Find the Silver Lining

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise from the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache, you think it’s more than you can take

But you’re stronger, stronger than you know

Don’t you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

Gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining.

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn’t ever end, even when the sky is falling

I’ve seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become new

That’s what faith can do

Doesn’t matter what you’ve heard

Impossible is not a word, just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody scared to death

They decide to take that step out on the water, but it’ll be alright

Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way, if you keep believing

How are these marvelous events brought to pass? I feel that I can hope till the sky does fall, but without an additional measure will hope ever bring about anything as remarkable as a miracle or bring the answer to a silent prayer? What is it that separates hope from this earth moving faith?

Recently I was discussing with a friend principles that can be learned through several scripture stories, but three in particular. In Matthew 14 the Lord commands His 12 disciples to feed the multitude that had gathered to listen to the Master speak. They protested saying that there was no way they had the means to feed so many with what little they had. At this the Lord instructs them to bring what they have to Him.

The brother of Jared finds himself in need of a solution and is prompted by the Lord to seek out an answer on his own. With much pondering and preparation the brother of Jared comes before the Lord with twelve stones he has prepared. As he addresses his maker he explains that he knows his abilities are limited but that with the added power of the Lord that which may seem to be impossible can be made to happen.

Thirdly, in Alma 57 the remarkable story of two thousand young men is recounted. We listen admiringly as the tale is told of these untrained ‘soldiers’, as they went forth with faith in the covenants they had made with their Lord, ready to give all they had to the protection of their people and their loyalty to their Savior. They had that never ending hope when their world really was falling down. They did not however simply hope for a better world or for their burdens to be lightened. Through their actions they were able to turn their hope into a faith that truly worked miracles.

The key, the thing that made all the difference in each of these remarkable stories is the action taken. Once we hope in the Savior, believe on Him the next step is to act. But in such situations it can be very easy to find ourselves wanting to act but not knowing what we should do. Each of the previously highlighted stories gives us additional insight into this very question. When what we have is not enough, when we do not have the answer, and when it appears our little effort wouldn’t make a whole lot of difference what are we to do. In each of these instances, and in each of ours the power comes when we bring what we have unto Him, to our Lord and Savior, the Master of all, and our promised companion.

As the apostles brought their meager offering to the Savior He blessed it and then bade them take it to the people. With those simple rations they fed five thousand hungry souls. The brother of Jared’s simple stones, when brought to the Lord and touched by His hands were made to glow, and to give light all throughout their journey. Two thousand young men of faith went to their Maker, covenanted with Him that they would give their lives to uphold the freedoms of the gospel and they were made more mighty than the numerous Lamanites they came against in battle. In each case these faithful servants of the Lord have taken all they had to offer to the Lord, asked Him to bless it, and then went forward in faith knowing that He would make up the difference and provide the way for them to do what He had commanded.

In each of our lives we are sure to come across moments, possibly many, where we feel as one of these individuals felt. We may feel that we are being asked to do something impossible, that we do not have nearly enough time, talents, resources, or even desire to see it through and accomplish such an overwhelming task. We may feel that there is no solution within our grasps to the most pressing questions of our lives, where the plans and the instruction seems to end and we are required to develop the perfect solution. We may feel that we are too young, too small, or too inexperienced to make a difference in the war that is raging around or within us.

I promise in each of these instances in personal life that as we will follow the examples of each of these servants of the Lord, take all we have and all we are to our Lord and Savior and ask Him to bless it that we may accomplish His work He will do so. I have seen examples of each of these quandaries and concerns at one time or another in my life. I can now look back and recognize when I allowed myself to sink in despair at the weight of my burdens. I remember the pain and the sorrow and the loneliness that came in those moments. But I can also remember the light and the peace that came when I brought those cares, those weights to the Lord. Taking all I had, all I knew, and all that I was to Him and pleading before Him that He would please lift me and make up the difference that I did not yet have—then the peace came. Then I was able to feel the power of the Lord work within me to multiply my strength and my abilities, to bring forth a light within me bringing light back into my soul for the journey I had yet to make.

These moments, as we recognize them, are remarkable and faith promoting. But they are not all encompassing, nor are they easy. We cannot have one such experience and be set. It takes a continual going to the Lord asking Him to lift us a little at a time, that we may become more than we were each step of the way. Let us not forget, the two thousand did not stand strong because of their own power. The Brother of Jared’s preparation and ingenuity did not make the stones shine. The 12 Disciples did not feed the multitude. Nor do we cause the miracles great or small to occur within our lives.

We, as these men did, must do all we can do. We must hope in our Lord and Savior believing in Him and we must take all that we have and all that we are to He who has the power to save and plead with Him to make up the difference. Then we will be mighty as He is, because He will be with us.

The process of coming unto the Lord is often a great struggle. We are step by step climbing a mountain and that is hard work. It takes effort, energy, and perseverance. It may seem at times that we cannot continue or that if we do take one more step it will be our last. It is in those moments of complete exhaustion that we must hope and trust in the promise given by Isaiah. Even more than that we must apply forth our action, continue to climb and then as one who has waited upon the Lord we “shall renew [our] strength; [we] shall mount up with wings as eagles; [we] shall run, and not be weary; and [we] shall walk, and not faint.”

Why is this so hard?

We will have occasion to ask at times: Why is this so hard? - Elder Holland

This quote from Elder Holland was given in a talk to mission presidents during their preparation to enter the mission field and was in reference to missionary work. He discussed how many have and still will question why the preaching of the Lord’s true gospel is so difficult. We know it is true, we know the benefits and blessings that come with uniting our lives with it, and yet the work of bringing that light to others is often monumentally difficult.

Though in my life right now, missionary work in the strict sense of the word is not the main focus but this question is one that I have asked many times. Most recently I have landed upon ‘hard times’. I have put all of my energy and even hopes into an avenue that has crumbled before my eyes. Though throughout the whole journey I knew there was a possibility that it would not work out, I was not as prepared as I thought I was to hear the message of rejection.

This was not the only occasion that has introduced pain into my life recently, but it is the most recent and seemed like the final straw. I reached a point where I knew not what else to do. So, I was compelled to cry out to the Lord, Why is this so hard? I truly have been trying my best to be good, I have been working to grow in the gospel and stretching myself further than ever before, but still everything came crumbling apart.

Elder Holland continued his message with his opinion about why it is often hard to share the gospel, and again I correlate to live God’s will and endure through rejection, heartache, trial, and strife. He said, it is so hard because Salvation never was a cheap experience. It was not so for our Savior, why would we think it should be easy for us. I was struck with the truth of this message and the power it brings. Our Savior the perfect missionary, the perfect teacher, the perfect child and the perfect person necessarily went through trial on His own to bring to pass our salvation. It seems natural to me that we too should also be required to pass through even a small portion of the sorrow and pain that He voluntarily endured for our sakes.

So, instead of asking, Why is this so hard? Should we not change this question to, Father wilt thou help me to endure? What is there for me to learn from this? Where am I to go in thy service? And What more can I do than I have now done?

These questions seek the direction of our Father in Heaven, they seek personal growth, and look to additional inspiration, strength and fortitude. May I more fully apply the atonement of my Beloved Savior into my life and have my will be swallowed up in the will of the Father’s. May I have the strength to endure through the rejection, heartache, and pain that has come and surely is yet to come. May I look beyond myself and seek to become like Him, and use the experiences of this life to build myself, build others, and share His joyful message of redemption to all who will listen.

Mysterious Ways

The Lord moves in mysterious ways. I have long heard this line of scriptures and tried to understand. But my limited understanding was not adequate. I knew that I cannot know and understand all that our Father in Heaven does in the course of this world and our lives because His ways are so much higher than our ways but still I was unsettled. I suppose I felt that I should not feel so completely in the dark if I was following the Lord’s path. However, I was in the dark and I felt that each step I took was further into the dark and down a path I did not even know was correct.

Through much prayer, study, and discussions with good friends I have continued in faith. Trusting that He really is watching over me and when I am ready and when His timing is fulfilled I will begin to see what I now cannot. It is now four months after having moved away from Provo, three months from the end of a relationship I thought could last and so many moments of uncertainty and pain. I can now begin to see. I do not see the path I am on, nor do I see all that will come. But what I can see is a glimmer of light and the formation of a path, and I know it is good. The events of the past week have been both stressful and remarkable in the development of life.

Due to previous experience and growth I do not expect this vision to remain indefinitely. But rather I have stronger faith that He is guiding me and I have not strayed too far. With these glimpses of light and understanding I can endure through the darkness and unknown.

With this talk of finding the correct path however I have also learned that there is not one single path that we are to take. In Sunday school and firesides I have learned this again and again but yesterday this became more real to me that it ever could have from just being told about it.

I have been struggling with the decision to go on a mission. Not being willing to commit to going without absolute confirmation and yet knowing it to be a good thing. All the while I have been pondering this option fear has seeped into my heart and I have hesitated. Along the way another plan, path, option came into my mind. Though this also was not an easy decision and commitment to make, I have decided to step down this path (having waited for too long at the entrance of another).

Yesterday, as I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants section 9, I read again of an experience Oliver Cowdery had as he sought permission and ability to translate. He was given the gift to do so with a little reprimand in how he had begun. Then, he allowed fear to come into his heart. I know not what specifically that fear was based upon, whether it was a doubt of his own abilities or questioning his standing before God or any other concern, but I connected with how he may have been feeling. As we continue to read we learn the direction of the Lord to Oliver. He said that when Oliver had begun the process of becoming a translator it was expedient for him to do so, but because of his actions it was no longer expedient; essentially the Lord told Oliver that he would no longer be allowed to translate. Something in his hesitation changed the situation.

Following this sobering change for Oliver the Lord reassures him that he is still in good favor with God, that “neither [He nor Joseph] did the Lord condemn” because of their actions. I feel that this is much the way my recent situation has been. When I was originally planning to go on a mission it was good and expedient. But through my choices and the experiences I have had in the meantime because of my hesitation it is no longer expedient. My path has changed. I have often worried that if I make a wrong choice and step onto the wrong path what would happen, would I ruin forever my chances to receive all the blessings that could have been mine. I now believe and trust that this is not the case, that the Lord is indeed merciful and loving and will provide for us the opportunities we need to grow to become like Him. If we falter along the way we do not loose forever the position we once held, but rather He will adjust our path to include experience which will shape us as He would have us be.

The experiences we have in life shape us into the beings our Father in Heaven would have us be. If then we miss one experience another will take its place. The destination we are seeking does not change, only the route in which we travel will shift. It is our duty to try our best to make those righteous choices and actions that will allow our Savior to continue to work in our lives. As we do this and trust in Him and in the love of our Eternal Father we have the promise that we will eventually see. That we will know the purposes of God and His mysteries. I look forward to that day and strive ever more to be diligent in accomplishing the tasks I am assigned with joy and cheerfulness in my heart.

All now mysterious shall be bright at last

Railroad Switch and Blockade

Often we say that we seek the Lord’s direction in our lives and wait for instruction on where we should go or what we should do. In these circumstances I have found myself wondering if I could possibly miss the direction I have been given. I wonder what that direction would look like and whether I will be open to its influence when it comes. Recently I have been seeking more than ever that direction from my Father in Heaven, helping me to know who I should be and where I should go. In these decisions I need to make I have felt his peaceful influence calming my spirits but rarely feel that I have received direct answers or direction. I would like to be told which direction I should go clearly so that I may not mistake or question.

Both fortunately and unfortunately that is not the way revelation seems to work for me. I have found the pattern of direction comes much more subtly. I ponder and search out which direction I should follow and make the best decision I can, then I can take that road knowing that if it be wrong or off in any way He will correct me. And correct me He has.

In one experience I had made a decision to take a path that I thought right and good and at the time I believe it was. But then circumstances changed and another pathway opened up to me. So through much prayer, pondering and fasting I determined that the Lord was directing me down this other path. Assuring me along the way that this was where He wished me to head. Thus I adjusted my course and the promise of peace and reassurance came. During this time I discussed this decision making with a close friend and he described the change as a road block. I thought about that for a moment feeling that his description was not quite right, but rather it was more like a rail change; a shift in the track that I was on and meant to follow. As I continued to move down the track towards a worthwhile goal the Lord was able to make the rail shift that would take me where He would have me go.

Most times I believe our Father does not put road blocks in our path to stop us cold when we have chosen incorrectly. Only in dire circumstances of danger or sin would that abrupt halt occur. Rather He asks us to power our lives down the track toward Him in the best way we can manage and He will arrange the rest. Whether it takes a rail change now and then, taking us over bridges or through tunnels He will ensure that we arrive at our destination safely and with the necessary preparation to be comfortable then. All the twists and bends in the route may not make sense to us in the moment, but I am certain that He is in charge; and each bump in the road is preparing us for that which we will need to accomplish later down the road.

It takes patience and great trust to allow Him to take over the grand direction of our lives. But I have found also that it takes a balance of allowing Him to direct and not failing to act for ourselves. The key to relating our lives to a railway is that we must start the train down a path before He can switch the rails. WE must be in control of beginning the journey, keeping the momentum going strong and being sensitive to those subtle changes in the path. We know it will not be easy. But we know that it will not be lonely, if we invite and allow our Savior Jesus Christ to travel with us. He will never let us down, He will never leave us, and He will never let us fail if we remain worthy to have Him continually by our side.

Comfort Foods and Solace

Ice cream, cookies, cake and custard. These are only a few of the foods I think of as my favorite comfort foods. The things I want to grab and snack on, or binge on, when I am stressed, worried, or in pain. You know what I mean, the traditional girls night where a carton of chocolate ice cream and a package of cookies are devoured by friends or roommates in honor of a myriad of occasions. There are those for congratulations and those for consoling. The most prevalent in my memories are those nights that follow a breakup where friends and roommates gather around in support and sympathy. Though relieving these may be I feel that there is a far better source of solace and peace that can be sought during these times of pain and heartache.

Today during a casual conversation with my loving mother she suggested that I go purchase some ice cream for our family this evening and I affirmed that I was planning on it. I also made the comment that I may get some other treats as well, because, well I sure need some good comfort food. After I made that statement and the conversation concluded I continued to ponder what I had said, and I realized that it was rather incorrect; it is a nice cliché statement to make, to turn to comfort foods, but it is not accurate.

Perhaps this girls’ night is closest to my heart at this time because I have been experiencing that pain this week. The situation I have found myself in being less than ideal and not at all what I anticipated has left me questioning much in my life and sorrowful for what may be lost to me. All the while my mother and father have been my sole confidents save two.

Though right now I feel that my heart may be breaking I have not turned to the comfort of foods or anything worldly. Instead I have instinctively turned to the Lord, immersing myself in His word and the words of His servants, for I have learned throughout my life that in Him is the greatest comfort. I have spent this past week for the most part fasting, eating good solid meals only when my body absolutely needs nourishment and no snacking. Accompanying this fast of food has been a fast from any worldly media as much as possible, save communications such as phone, email, and occasionally facebook which have all been kept to a minimum. Instead of indulging in these worldly things, that I consider to be worldly comforts, I have filled that time and void with the word of God and His eternal truths.

During this period of fasting and soul searching I have learned many truths about the gospel as well as about myself and been greatly strengthened. The questions in my mind have not been resolved and the pain in my heart remains, but I have come to an even greater assurance that both my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ are there for me and love me, even more than I can comprehend. I have felt the arms of Christ’s love enfold me and hold me when all I wanted to do, and could do, was cry to Him. My Father in Heaven has been there to listen and send peace to my soul as I have divulged the feelings and pains in my soul as well as the questions that have long clouded my mind.

These feelings are not new to me, but as the sorrows and trials in my heart become deeper and harder I find that the strength I receive from the Lord is greater as well, and more than proportionally so. I have felt what the prophets in the Book of Mormon have described, the Lord does not remove our trials from us but strengthens us in those trials that we may endure through them. This process of working through and enduring through truly does strengthen the heart and the soul. We can become surer and more steady in who we are, in our conviction of the gospel, and in our devotion to our Savior and Heavenly Father. This is one of the most powerful lessons I have learned through this experience and has brought me great solace; much more than I could expect from food, media, etc. that the world may put forth as a comfort. These are counterfeit and give counterfeit comfort, and honestly end up leaving the one in emotional pain in a bit of physical pain as well.

The solace and peace I have found came through diligently seeking to do all I can to have the spirit of God to be with me, being worthy of His presence. President Eyring made this comment, “A choice to be good – even with the trials that come will allow the Atonement to change your heart. In time and after persistence, your wants and even your needs will change.” That in itself is comfort to me. I do not have to feel concerned or lacking because of the weaknesses and imperfections I can see in myself now, but rather I can be assured that as I continue on this path with persistence that the Atonement of my Savior will work in me, and purify my soul eliminating from my character the weaknesses I now see so clearly, as well as those I do not yet see.

We receive many blessings through the gospel of Jesus Christ. This ability to become like Him, even as such imperfect beings is that which brings the most peace and joy to my heart. I have faith that He know me and He knows the sorrows I see and will yet see and He is there waiting to help me through it every step as long as I continue to turn to Him. Seek and ye shall find, Knock and it shall be opened unto you.